Let’s begin, again

So this is about the 4th time I’ve tried this blog thing. It’s always a lot of fun but just too easy to forget about when you get busy. So consider this Fables of the Deconstruction, v4.0, the re-re-reboot, if you will. But for a “probably should have been a writer but somehow it didn’t pan out that way” type this is a nice outlet.

Hopefully you’ll find this entertaining or useful or somewhat worthwhile. If not, I’ll just remind you that it’s free and you get what you pay for. So there.

Things to know before we begin the begin, again. Consider this the Tao of JLo (Hello 1st category) Keep these in mind and all will be well with you here (I stole a lot of this from an old Facebook note of mine and updated it for 2011. You may call it cheating. I call it being efficient. And yes, I will steal from myself again at some point.):

1. I’m fairly oblivious to other people’s feelings about me. Apologies if you like (or dislike) me more than I realize.
2. My personality is a mixture of 75% insufferable arrogance and 25% crushing self-doubt. Those %’s can vary – either way it’s not a pretty sight when things get out of balance.
3. I have zero ability to focus on things that do not interest me, and admire and am extremely jealous of those that can. It definitely explains my inconsistent academic performance in college if nothing else.
4. Other than my family, music, books, and movies are my great passions. I’ve taken up photography and cycling recently and they are rapidly gaining on those three.
5. I am terrified of flying, but do it a lot these days. I am convinced that flying is the reason that bloody marys and vodka cranberries became popular.
6. Things that you wouldn’t realize by looking at me: I’m good at yoga, dislike crowds, cannot spell to save my life and have impeccable taste in shoes.
7. My dislike for Rachael Ray is irrational and borderline psychotic. I realize this, but do not care.
8. I love living near the ocean and everything associated with, except for actually laying out in the sun or swimming in the water. Perhaps it is due to the fact that the albino kid from Powder tans better than I do. I will never again, however, make the mistake of living any place that does not have at least one border on the ocean.
9. I will eat anything that swims, preferably raw.
10. I think Guinness, Southern Tier Unearthly IPA and Terrapin Hopsecutionner are the gods higher purpose for grain.
11. Let’s get one thing straight, once and for all – bbq is a noun, not a verb, and by definition it is a pork product. Anything else is “brisket” or “grilling.”
12. This shouldn’t be too shocking – my favorite band ever is REM, current is Radiohead, and new is The National.
13. I don’t watch a lot of TV, but that is by design. If I let myself I’d watch it all the time. Especially all of those list shows (Top 50 xyz). They infuriate me, and I probably just sit there screaming at the TV all day, but I’d definitely watch. My current TV guilty pleasures are Burn Notice on USA (Jason Bourne meets Miami Vice, with a healthy dose of Bruce Campbell. Awesome.) and the Walking Dead on AMC, when it finally gets back on TV, that is
14. I love “Top” lists in all forms, but rarely agree with any of them.
15. I have 55 volumes (give or take) by or about Winston Churchill.
16. Man’s greatest invention is the Technics SL-1200 series turntable. Runner up is 180 gram heavyweight vinyl.
17. I lived in the same city for 23 years. I’ve lived in eight different ones in the last 18 years since.
18. I dislike radicalism on either side of the political/philosophical/religious spectrum. You should be able to disagree with somebody’s viewpoints without condemning them to hell or labeling them a fascist or putting maps of congressional districts up with cross hairs on it. Except when it comes to Rachael Ray, of course.
19. I am fiercely proud of my Southern heritage, but all too often embarrassed by it. Take down the damn flags already. You look ridiculous.
20. The 4 people I’d like to have dinner with: Mario Batali (preferably if he cooks), Winston Churchill, Lewis Grizzard, Tina Fey (actually I might put Sarah Palin in one of those last two spots for the sheer comedic value of her a.) not realizing who Churchill was for like the first hour, and then b.) the resulting conversations for the rest of dinner). At the adjoining table I’d like Teddy Roosevelt, Kate Winslet, Desmond Tutu and Margaret Thatcher.
21. I haven’t really changed the way I dress or my hairstyle since I was a child. It’s fairly boring, but then again there are no old photos of me with parachute pants or dressed like Don Johnson circa 1982. (I did go through a thrift store phase in college and didn’t cut my hair for a long time – there were even a couple of attempts at a slicked backed pony tail I think – but to fair we were drinking a lot back then and can’t really be held responsible for those decisions.)
22. Few days go by that I’m not insanely jealous of Bill Simmons, Chuck Kloseterman and the people who write for The Onion for having the best jobs in the world.
23. I have more useless knowledge (history, movie quotes, song lyrics, pop culture, sports stats, current events, etc) than just about anybody I know. As a result I can talk with relative confidence about a wide range of subjects, leading many people to think I’m WAY smarter than I actually am. It’s a useful skill though.
24. I write with more parenthesis than anybody I know. (As if you could tell that already from one post)
25. I not ashamed to tell you that I am the world’s greatest dad. I have a t-shirt, hat, and balloon that all say so. I am prouder of that fact than anything.

Cheers. I’m sure we’ll all be the best of friends.


Posted on January 10, 2011, in Tao of JLo. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Welcome back to the blogosphere!

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