Brawlin’ Brothers

Came home from work today to two brothers in the midst of another round of their epic brawl for the ages, and it brought to mind this entry from the Fables archives, back in my brief, glorious stay-at-home dad days (dated June 27, 2005):

The Tale of the Tape:

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another round of scintillating boxing action as we bring you Lomas Family Fight Night.

In this corner, wearing the blue shorts and the Thomas the Train shirt, weighing in at an unbelievable 6 pounds, 2 and 1/2 year old Kid A. This street brawler is so far undefeated, with a record of 162-0, with 2 draws. And in the other corner, wearing the red onesie and eating his 3rd doughnut of the morning, Kid B. The round mound of the playground has so far disappointed fans by failing to win any of the his previous 164 bouts with his brother, despite 2 controversial draws that were awarded due to premature maternal intervention.

Kid A has advantages in speed, gross and fine motor skills, age, and willingness to fight dirty. His main weapons are clawing, ear and hair pulling, use of a foreign object to the head and the two handed shove to the face, which is particularly effective against a 1 and 1/2 year old with precarious balance. Kid B seems to favor the Homer Simpson approach to fighting, where you fall on the ground in a heap and whimper and grovel for mercy. When your opponent turns away in disgust, you kick them in the back. The only problem with this approach against Kid A is that Kid A has not yet fully developed empathy, so he has no qualms about dropping a toy or large book on the ample head of Kid B while he begs and pleads for the towel to be thrown. The fact that Kid B has also yet to grasp the second part of this strategy also limits its effectiveness. As of now, his best bet is to roll across the floor and hope to pin down Kid A inadvertently.

The more things change, the more they do indeed stay the same.



Posted on February 2, 2011, in The Dad Life. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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