Tuesday Quick Links – Informercial fails
Every now and then I get hit by an insomnia bug, and end up milling around in the middle of the night looking for something that will switch my brain off and let me get some sleep. Usually I end up reading a book that I’ve already read (if I read a new one I start thinking too much about the plot or the characters and it has the opposite effect) or watching a mindless movie from the Swayze collection (hello Point Break and Roadhouse). Every now and then though, I channel surf and look forward to seeing one my favorite forms of late night entertainment, bad infomercial acting.
When you stop to think about it, you have to tip your caps to these intrepid entrepreneurs, who spend a lifetime inventing solutions for problems that most people don’t seem to realize actually exist. It’s ingenious really. And what better way to sell these alleged problems and their life altering solutions than with an over-caffeinated (or, over cocaine-inated, allegedly) pitchman and some of the worst acting that their shoe strings production budgets can buy. For those of you who don’t occasionally keep vampire hours, I give you some of my personal favorites below:
The Pocket Chair: This one a new to me, and personally I can’t watch it enough. The pocket chair is here to end our long, national, folding chair nightmare and relieve us lazy Americans from having to do all that pesky standing. And who is chomping at the bit to have a pocket chair party! (or, as pronounced by the host, a Paw-quet Cheh Paw-ty).
The Toilet Wipe: This one is just disturbing, and no other comment needed.
An old favorite, the Slap Chop: A dollar for toppings at the ice cream stores! Say it ain’t so! And did you know that the cause of that vague “my life is boring” feeling that gnaws at you is really just your boring tuna sandwich that you had for lunch. So a masterpiece that it’s been made into a rap version as well (among others).
Easy Feet: Finally, I can remove 40 years of filth that have been accumulating on my feet. And I know I feel a lot more confident when wearing my strappy shoes. This one is really the Citizen Cane of bad infomercials. And I don’t know about you, but telling people to “stop doing that one legged dance in the shower” sounds borderline pornographic.
The Snuggie: And who can forget the day that the Snuggie lowered America’s power bills and freed us from those dastardly blankets and their stranglehold grip which apparently led to an epidemic of missed phone calls.
And finally, a short compilation of the best infomercial fails ever. Good times.