JLo’s rules for eating

I mentioned before that I made some modifications to my diet and eating habits when I started training to help me drop a few extra pounds along the way, but didn’t really go into too much detail. I think these modifications can best be summed up as a series of rules rather than as a “diet” per say. Consider this the collected dietary wisdom that I have accumulated over the past 41 years, in handy list form.

  • Avoid anything that can be described with the adjective “loaded,” or similar. This applies also to “smothered,” “ultimate,” and “colossal.”
  • Avoid food endorsed by a cartoon character. Related, avoid food that is the favorite food of a cartoon character (see Simpson, Homer J – donuts and Garfield – lasagna). The exception to this rule is obviously Popeye, though I’d like to think that were he around today he’d prefer organic baby spinach to that nasty canned stuff.
  • The amount of packaging often increases in inverse proportion to the goodness of the food. For example, if you open a box to get to a bag of something, odds are you better off looking elsewhere.
  • The stress that goes into freaking out over every single bite of food that you eat is 100 to 121x worse for you than anything you can possible eat (Note, does not apply to rat poison.)
  • Weighing yourself every day is insane and counterproductive.  It’s akin to checking the mirror every 30 seconds to see if your hair is growing.
  • Anything that has to be peeled or shelled is probably good.
  • I’d rather have a little of something that tastes great and is “bad” for you than a lot of something that is “good” for you and tastes like an old shoe.
  • If you are required to sign a waiver to eat something, you should probably just keep moving. Related, if your restaurant has a sign that proclaims “As Featured on Man vs Food!”, walk away. (Have you noticed that the M v F guy lasted about 2 seasons before he gave up? Now he goes places and watches other people stuff themselves with 96 slices of American cheese and barely suppresses a “I got paid lots of money to do what you are doing for free” grin.)
  • Nothing, and I mean nothing, is worth the horror of subjecting yourself to nonfat dairy.
  • If you pay $ .79 for your food and get anything other than a handful of grapes or a banana, you deserve the heartburn and probable GI distress that will soon follow.
  • There’s little that’s worth eating that can’t be improved by a good bottle of olive oil.
  • If your food turns paper clear, it’s your window to weight gain. (© Dr. Nick Rivera. Hi everybody!)
  • If you beer comes in a container that changes color, has grooves to make it pour faster, or has the power to change the climate, save the calories and look elsewhere.

Cheers.

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Posted on June 27, 2011, in Food and Drink, Tao of JLo. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Last bullet point: DISAGREE!

    I didn’t know the MvF guy didn’t do the challenges anymore. Each ep I see he’s eating. But I don’t watch it regularly tho cuz it is one when 2 other things are recording on the DVR. Priorities on my couch potatodom.

    • Of course you would. Don’t you have a Coors light with a peep dipped in it waiting for you somewhere?

      Yeah, his “new” show is called Man vs. Food Nation. He still goes to the challenges, but he has some local schlub sit in for him and he gives advice like “after about 20 minutes you’re gonna hit the cheese wall” like he’s coaching triathletes or something. Very amusing.

  2. These are good rules! My rules are pretty much – everything in moderation, if it makes me sick I don’t eat it (that’s all fast food), one meal must have fresh veggies in it every day, and there’s no such thing as moderation when it comes to wine.

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