Why I like to bike
10 reasons why I like to bike, in handy list form:
- Cardio. And yeah, that means being healthier and all that jazz, but what it really means is that I am better prepared than most for the coming zombie apocalypse (Zombieland rule #1). Now I know many of my running friends will consider themselves prepared as well, but consider this: There you are, after the zombie hordes have taken over Orlando, being chased by a ferocious, relentless, but slow moving band of zed. You are busting out a solid pace and are just starting to put some real distance between them and yourself, when I ride up behind you on my bike and kneecap you with my helmet, leaving you writhing on the ground in pain and making a nice, endorphin rich buffet to distract the zombies (a variation of this move was made famous by Shane Walsh, 2011), allowing me to retreat undetected to the pub for a pint and some pig snacks until this whole mess blows over. Bikes wins.
- I get to pedal away frustration. Work gets annoying, 20 miles. Kids acting like tiny demons, another 10 miles. Another bogus penalty penalty decision against Manchester City, at least five miles. In fact, a typical Phil Dowd match usually nets me at at least 30 miles.
- All the accessories you get to buy satisfies both my interest in cool gadgets and repressed desire for some conspicuous consumption (while rather thoughtfully providing my family with easy and ready-made Christmas and birthday presents for years to come). To date: bike, bike seat, clipless pedals, shoes, socks, helmet, shorts, gloves, cold weather gloves, base layer, Road ID, saddle bag, GPS app, GU tablets, Chamois Butter, trainer, bike rack, and, well, you get the picture.
- I get to set my own goals and succeed or fail on my own terms. Well, at least when I succeed. If I fail I can blame the guy in the monster SUV who cut me off and broke my momentum, my equipment, the guy who made my bike, the headwind, the heat and humidity and/or the moon’s gravitational pull.
- Cycling is one of the few activities where it is socially acceptable for men to wear spandex in public other than super hero. And it’s surprisingly comfy. Wait, did I say that out loud?
- The sweet bike rack makes it a lot easier to find my car in parking lots. Before you scoff at this, look at how many navy Honda Odysseys are in the parking lot the next time you walk out of the store. It’s brutal out there.
- My kids are amazed at how far I’m able to ride. This may be due to the fact that they don’t really understand the concept of 50 miles – the moon might be 50 miles away as far as they are concerned. It’s ok though, I’ll take it.
- It is cool to be able to point to two points on a map and say, “I rode the distance between those cities.” It certainly sounds better than saying “I can ride to that mailbox at the end of street, but I gotta stop and rest halfway.”
- All that pedaling has given some pretty awesome legs now to go inside those spandex shorts. Now I just got to finish working on the top half so I don’t look like a candy apple on a stick.
- How else would I have been able to raise nearly $1700 to date for the National MS Society? Certainly not on my jokes. And of course if you’d like to push that total higher, you can contribute by clicking the Donate link on the top left of this page. Do it, the good karma you’ll get will serve you well in the coming zombie apocalypse, as I’d be much less likely to knee cap you in the name of self preservation if you’re on the donor list.