Way back in the vault

During the week a friend of mine from back in high school (thanks, Mel!) sent me a copy of a short piece I wrote for my high school (shout out to Eastside High School in Greenville, SC!) literary magazine way back in the day. Like 25 years ago back in the day.

Excuse me, I will now go sob in the corner and rock back and forth with my knees pulled up into my chest, Leo Mazzone-style, for a minute.

Ok, I’m back. *wipes tears from eyes* Back to our regularly scheduled essay.

Three things struck me about this. First, I have absolutely no recollection writing this, though from the subject matter it’s CLEARLY something I would have written. And I did write for the school paper somewhat prolifically and to occasional acclaim, so it is certainly plausible that I would have submitted a piece or two to other school outlets. Second reaction was, man, this is just god awful. But then I thought about it and realized that I was 18 at the time so in context it’s pretty good I guess. Something doesn’t quite flow correctly though so I’m wondering if any of it got cut for space. (Pro writer tip, if you wrote something that was published and are unhappy at all about how it turned out, blame the editor, even if it’s totally your own fault.) Third, my sincere apologies to Larry Mullen, Jr. for misspelling his name. My bad, bro (thought really, you should blame the editor).

Anyway, here it is included below, along with a link to the pdf so you can print it out on a fine piece of parchment paper, suitable for framing. Enjoy. And if you don’t like it, just remember that it’s worth what you paid for it (zero dollar, zero cents), so you definitely got your money’s worth.

Lomas Pg 1

Lomas Pg 1

Lomas Pg 2

Lomas Pg 2

(Shameless and obligatory begging for money time) If you liked that, how about chipping in a donation to help me reach my fundraising goal for this year’s Bike MS: The Citrus Tour to help fight Multiple Sclerosis? Click the donate link at the top right corner of this page to contribute. (Conversely, if you hated this post, please donate or I’ll be tempted to post more of them. Whatever best motivates you to contribute.)

I’m at 85% of my goal with just over a month to go! And remember locals, you can donate while enjoying some awesome food and drink by joining me at the Winter Park Mellow Mushroom this Monday from 5-9 PM.



Posted on March 8, 2013, in Tao of JLo and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Awesome! Lefko mentioned that she had found this but I didn’t want to trouble her with scanning it in and sending it to me. I am glad you did. Man, I was -obsessed- by these two bands back in the day.

  2. She offered, I didn’t say no 🙂

  3. Um, apparently I was on the editorial board of the 1989 mag. So, you COULD have blamed me, had I been involved w/the 1988 issue. But, of course, I have no recollection of being on the editorial board. I do admit that I make an excellent editor today. Cannot vouch for my abilities 25 years ago.

  4. Feel free to hire me, Jimmy! I really am a great editor. 🙂

  5. Parker Burden

    So several things jump out at me after digesting this blog post and the accompanying journalistic masterpiece for the seventh time today. One, it is embarrassing that the Mullen misspelling snuck through. Also, no one, even back then, referred to Bono as “Bono Hewson”. It was either Paul Hewson or Bono, but never an amalgamation of the two. Repeat the previous point for The Edge.

    Secondly, I will also give the timing or the article the benefit of the doubt and not blame you for omitting their third number one hit off of JT, “Where the Streets Have No Name” (it is only the greatest live rock song in history but who is keeping score these days?

    Third, we had a high school newspaper?

    Fourth, I am so glad you kept up the craft…I have told you before that your writing constantly entertains me, at some points makes me truly think, and always at a minimum makes me chuckle. I am glad that you continue writing.

    And lastly, the above article has provided enough entertainment for my day that I will throw you another MS ride donation. Consider it a pity gesture and let’s forget the above piece ever existed (but simultaneous kudos for putting it out there and poking fun of yourself with it). I would share some of my writing I did at EHS, but it would consist of computer printouts of endless Pascal code and nobody would care.

  6. Yeah, I can explain the mangled use of names I think. Our journalism teacher was a stickler for proper AP style name usage, so all of our articles sounded like something that would have appeared in the Times of London in the 19th century.

    I’ll go to my grave defending Bad as the best live U2 song ever.

    We most certainly did. I was the Sports Editor/music columnist/guy who wrote the article making fun of cheerleaders.

    Thank you, sir. I do it purely to keep my sanity. Writing project management plans and procedural documents all day doesn’t do much to flex your literary muscles.

    That will earn you a healthy does of karma sir. Much appreciated.

  7. Parker Burden

    My other point from above that I failed to mention due to an interrupting phone call…JJ Ohlinger had some mad graphics skills even back then….does anyone know if he’s kept up the art?

  8. Parker: See FB for JJ’s continued artistry.

    Jimmy: I will be thinking of you on Mon eve when you are at the Mellow…and I am not :(. Hope everyone else in Orlando is, though!

  1. Pingback: An exercise in narcissism: The best of me in 2013 | Fables of the Deconstruction

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