JLo’s beginner’s guide to the World Cup: Did you ever think you’d use the phrase “third biting incident?”

Normally when I write something that is quasi-predictive, I have some faith or belief that it might actually come to fruition. I’ll be the first to admit though, when I wrote yesterday that Uruguay v. Italy might feature “a red card, a brawl, some biting, and perhaps a knife fight,” never in a million years did I think that Luis Suarez would actually bite somebody AGAIN. It is his third biting incident. Think about that for a second. I just wrote the phrase “his third biting incident” and I’m not talking about a preschooler or a pit bull (or Pitbull for that matter) but a grown man. Obviously one with some serious issues and frankly I’m done talking about him other than to say that 1.) He should be suspended for at least the rest of the World Cup and probably for the maximum length allowed by FIFA, which I believe is 2 years and 2.) I truly believe that the only reason he wasn’t penalized on the field is the fact that the guy who was bit, Giorqio Chiellini, may be the only player in history who dives and is more theatrical than Suarez, so when he finally got eaten, quite literally, by the wolf nobody believed him at the time, despite the teeth marks on his shoulder, and finally 3.) Cheers to all those savvy Norwegians who had the foresight and good sense to put money on the probability that Suarez would go all Walking Dead on some unsuspecting Italian.

There are just too many other great stories going on in this World Cup to spend another moment talking about this mental case, and exhibit A yesterday was Columbian James Rodriguez, who had two assists and one beautifully deft chipped goal in Columbia’s 4-1 evisceration of Japan. In his honor, I’m changing the pronunciation of my name to match his (Ha-mez) for the remainder of the Cup.

Keep an eye on Columbia’s brilliant number 10 coming into the play on the left in this highlight.

Also, I’ve watched Greece play a couple of times in the tournament and they are bloody awful. They feature one of the worst former Manchester City players ever, Giorgrios Samaras, and most games seems to have absolutely no inclination to score a goal. And somehow they beat perpetually underachieving Ivory Coast and are in the round of 16. Cheers to then.

Just a random thought here related to nothing in particular. Reasons I love British commentators (not just English) for soccer: the way they pronounce Hyundai, con-Trov-ersy, and they can use words like “tidy” and “fussy” and have it be completely appropriate in context of the action.

Man of the Match: James Hernandez.

The biggest game of the day is probably Argentina-Nigeria, playing for supremacy in Group F. I’ve got to believe that Argentina is finally going to put together the kind of attacking performance that we’ve been expecting them to for the entire tournament, and, even if they don’t, they’ve still got Messi. I’ll go with 3-0 Argentina in this one.

Here’s hoping nobody gets bit today.

Cheers and happy viewing.


Posted on June 25, 2014, in The Sporting Life and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. RE: British commentators, don’t forget my favorite game term: “dispossessed”. I chuckle every time I hear it.

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